The Dangerous Game of Strip Poker
by Love Psychedelico
Summary: [CRACK] Vanez, Kurda, Arra, Larten and Gavner get together for an exciting, sexy game of Strip Poker... Who will be stripped bare at the end? Oneshot sequel to the previous truth or dare fic.


Author's Note – Another seemingly meaningless one-shot from me. I'm sorry people if you're waiting for Taste of Love, I just am not in the mood for VanezKurda at the moment. Yes, I am a moody 16 year old, turning on seventeen. I have so much study I hardly have time to read fics. (cries) Agh! I hate last year of highschool!

This is kind of like a sequel to "The Dangerous Game of Six", since it was so popular. 22 reviews, guys! 22! My god. I LOVE YOU ALL! Except – this fic's probably going to be very pointless and long and boring if you hate poker. I just learnt how to play poker, and I'm playing strip poker everywhere. At school, with my grandparents (and boy is this interesting), and in the bus with random strangers. And the reason I love it so much is because I never lose! Here's a tip on how to win – BE AN ONION. WEAR LOTS OF CLOTHES.

Disclaimer and Warnings – If log bleh to the power of 2 equals log blah to the power of 2, then bleh must equal blah. Sorry I am on a sugar high. I also am doing my maths homework at the same time. I do not own "I'm too sexy", and Darren Shan or any of his characters no matter how much I want to lock some of them in my cupboard and molest them numerous times. Especially Kurda. (a moment of drooling). Aand just in case you don't know what STRIP POKER means, it means people betting their clothes. It means people taking clothes off. As in, nudity. As in, naked people. As in, naked Kurda. (has nosebleed) And because I'm a hopeless slash lover, there may be some hints of male-male. Ok, I'll shut up now.

* * *

**The Dangerous Game of Strip Poker**

Vanez yawned. Tears formed in his eyes as he yawned again. And again. No one in the Hall of Sports today. Everyone's gone to see poor Darren who's resting after his third trial, the Hall of Flames. Not that he's not worried – it's just that Gamesmasters shouldn't leave the Hall of Sports just in case something happens.

Bored, bored, bored. Vanez tried bouncing on the mattresses, punching boxing bags, doing cartwheels, jumping across bars, dancing to a random tune he sang, and everything else he could think of to kill time. In the end, there was nothing left to do. So he lay down on one of the mattresses, glaring up at the ceiling, worrying about Darren. He had faith in all his students, and he had no doubt that Darren will be fine by the next trial – but when there's nothing else to do but lie down and think, worry does seem to creep into you. No matter how cheery and happy a person is. Like Vanez, who is the silliest, most disgustingly cheery person in the mountain.

Just when Vanez had closed his eyes and was ready to sleep off his worries – he felt a knife being pushed to his throat. He froze. And opened his eyes to see Kurda leaning into him, grinning –

'Checkmate, Vanez.'

'You cheater!'

Vanez laughed, grabbed the knife from Kurda's hands, threw it away and pounced onto him. They both rolled on the mattresses for a few minutes, strangling and wrestling each other, until both were so out of breath that they just rolled onto their backs and laughed. Between his fits of giggles and gasps for breath, Vanez asked:

'So how's Darren?'

'Fine. He'll be just fine. He looks like a sizzled sausage right now, but he's healing quickly.'

'So he'll be alright for the next trial?'

'Yeah. Now that he has more time to rest, I'm sure he'll be ready.'

'. . . . . .I really hope so. . . '

'Have more confidence in your students, will you?'

Kurda laughed, rolling over to meet Vanez's good eye. Vanez grinned and nodded, then rolled over on his side to face Kurda properly.

'Remember. . . remember that game of Truth or Dare we played the other night?'

'. . . Oh god don't go there, please. . . . '

Kurda groaned, rolling away from Vanez. Vanez laughed, grabbed Kurda's shoulder and pulled him back.

'Let's do something like that again. That was fun. Especially the last bit.'

Vanez giggled, then started singing –

'Kurda and Harkat, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes the...'

But the rest was muffled into a growl as a bright red Kurda started strangling him.

'You can't talk, Mr Blane, can you? How's your engagement with Mika Ver Leth going, huh? When's the wedding?'

'. . . You. . . !'

It was Vanez's turn to go red. He pinned Kurda to the ground, and climbed on top, trying to strangle him – when a low, sharp female's voice was heard from above.

'I'm sorry to interrupt your romantic foreplay, _gentlemen_, but have you seen Larten anywhere?'

'It's not. . . you're totally. . . getting the. . . . wrong. . . . .idea, Arra!'

Kurda said between gasps for breaths and coughs resulting from Vanez choking him. Vanez jumped off Kurda quickly, blushing, and shook his head.

'No, we haven't seen him. Isn't he with Darren?'

'I just checked, but Harkat was the only one with Darren. Maybe he's having a drink with Gavner, sleeping, or. . . '

Arra pondered, both hands on her beautifully curved hips – but her thoughts were interrupted by a familiar yell from the entrance of the Hall –

'Arra! I have been looking for you. Where have you been?'

Larten ran up to the three vampires, his distressed face attempting a smile, his ears flushing slightly as he approached his former mate. Arra smiled.

'I was looking for _you_, Larten. I wanted to talk to you _privately_.'

'About Darren.'

Arra added with a mischievous smile, and laughed as Larten's shoulders dropped in obvious disappointment.

'And I thought you'd need a little cheering up, perhaps. Your handsome face looks even better with a smile on it, Larten.'

Arra said casually, making Larten blush from head to toe and cough furiously to hide his embarrassment. Gavner, who had also entered the hall with Larten, yawned and sat on the mattress with Kurda and Vanez.

'I've got nothing to do.'

He said, yawning again.

'Neither have I. I've been boring myself to death for the last few hours.'

Vanez said, sighing.

'We don't really have anything to do either, do we, Larten?'

'. . . . Well,. . . . no, we don't.'

Larten agreed to Arra, as both sat down on the mattress with the rest. Kurda looked at his watch and sighed.

'Well, I actually have a whole heap of documents to go through, _and_ the organization of Darren's next trial _as well as _a meeting to attend to in two hours, and . . . . . '

'Oh shut up and chill out, Kurda, you uptight prick.'

'. . . . _Excuse_ me?'

Kurda gasped, glaring at Vanez. Gavner laughed, nodding.

'I agree with you wholeheartedly, Vanez. Well – since we're all bored and we've got nothing better to do, how 'bout we play a game again? Just to chill out, you know. We're all too distressed about Darren's trials right now, we need some kind of a break.'

'I'm out of this.'

Kurda said, getting up. Larten laughed.

'What, are you scared that you are going to end up embarrassing yourself again in front of everyone?'

'What's this?'

Arra leaned in, eager to know about it. Vanez opened his mouth.

'Well, a few nights ago we played Truth or Dare, and Kurda had to french-kiss Harkat for ten seconds.'

'My GOD you must be kidding!'

'No kidding, lady. In fact, our Prince-to-be enjoyed the smooching so much that he snogged Harkat for longer than was required. _Much_ longer.'

Vanez emphasised, making Arra gasp and eye Kurda in a weird way. Kurda blushed, and opened his mouth to argue – but there was no arguments in his favour that he could think of. All was the truth, no matter how much he didn't want to accept it.

After a few seconds of intense "laughing at Kurda and pointing fun at him", everyone decided to vote for what kind of game to play. Vanez was the first to suggest, as always.

'STRIP POKER!'

'GOD Vanez, do you _ever_ get over that?'

'No, Kurda, I don't. It's the BEST game in the _universe_!'

'Listen, okay? We DO NOT play strip poker when we have ladies. They usually aren't comfortable with stripping off their clothes or watching us strip off clothes.'

Kurda sighed, eyeing Arra apologetically. Arra chuckled, her amber eyes twinkling roguishly as she said:

'You're just too naïve to see women naked, aren't you, Kurda? 'Cause I'm fine with stripping my clothes off, and it's not like I haven't seen naked men before, either. Count me in, Vanez.'

'Woohoo! Go Arra!'

Vanez cheered, while Kurda pouted and glared at both of them. Larten went bright red and stuttered:

'But . . . b-but Arra!'

'You're not going to chicken out like Kurda, are you, my Larten?'

'OF COURSE NOT!'

Larten shouted in a burst of "Dare call me chicken and I will rip your head off three times in a row" sort of air. Arra smiled mildly.

'You're in, then?'

'OF COURSE!'

'Count me in, too. I don't want everyone to think I'm like _Kurda_.'

Gavner spat, eyeing Kurda with a look of fake disgust and mocking. Kurda sighed angrily, and glared at Arra, Larten, Gavner and a very happy looking Vanez.

'You _do_ realise that this is harassment?'

'Yes.'

The four said in unison, grinning.

'You pathetic excuse of a friend! All of you! You're all sick, perverted, arrogant, disgusting, filthy, dirty-minded, and did I say perverted – vampires! I'll make you all do slave labour under my control when I become Prince, just you wait!'

'Yes, yes, yes, Kurda. _When_ you become a Prince, we'll all listen to you. But that's not now, eh? You're either going to be called chicken for the rest of your General days, or you're gonna play.'

'. . . . . . . But I have documents to process, and the meeting, yes, the meeting, I must get going and...'

'CHICKEN.'

'Call me whatever you want, I'm not the arrogant sort of idiot who gets hot-headed from being called stupid names.'

'Loser.'

'Haha.'

'Prick.'

'Very intimidating, Vanez.'

'Doofus.'

'Oh my God is that the best you can do?'

'. . . . Little-people snogger.'

Vanez said, at which point Kurda cracked, grabbing Vanez's collar and wrestling him onto the ground.

'You're going to regret this, Vanez Blane, I'll win this stupid game and strip you bare of every single piece of clothing in front of everyone here!'

'I'd like to see you try! So you're in, then?'

'You bet I am.'

Kurda spat, glaring down at Vanez. Vanez grinned, pointing a thumbs' up in the other three's direction.

'Let's get started, then!'

* * *

'Who's dealer first?' 

Kurda asked, wiping some stray blond locks off his face, looking serious as he shuffled the cards skilfully.

'Ooh! MEEE! Pick meeee!'

Vanez jumped, raising both his hands high into the air enthusiastically. Kurda sighed, and looked around.

'Anyone ELSE?'

'MEEEE!Dealer! MEEEEE!'

Vanez jumped and bobbled in his chair, eyes glinting wildly. Kurda sighed.

'Alright, alright. Vanez, you be dealer first. Any objections?'

He looked around – everyone shook their heads, too scared to object when Vanez was swaying so happily in his chair. Kurda sighed for the one hundredth time that night, passing the cards to Vanez.

'Alright. Here's the cards, Vanez. I think everyone knows how to play poker, but just explain the betting limit and so on according to the rules of _strip_ poker.'

'Yup. We go by the rules of the most basic form of poker, 5-Card Draw. Well, there's no betting limit, really. The limit's all you have on you. Just take off whatever you find comfortable. The winner gets the dough, as in the pile of clothing. Watches, wrist-bands, jewellery, and any other ornaments count as pieces of clothing also. Shoes, socks, and anything that comes in pairs count as one piece of clothing. So, if you're gonna bet your socks, you treat the pair as one item. Well – that's about it. Let's start then. Everyone, place on the table our ante. Let's make our first ante ONE piece of clothing.'

(An ante, or "token bet" for non-pokerers, is like an entrance fee to the game, just to ensure that even if the game ends early, the winner WILL get something.)

Vanez took off his wrist-band, and placed it on the middle of the table. Arra, who was next to him, took off her necklace and placed it with the wrist-band. Moving clockwise, Gavner took off his shoes and dumped it next to the pile. Larten removed his bright red cloak, and Kurda took off his blue vest.

Vanez shuffled the cards one more time, and dealt the cards around the table, five cards each. Vanez looked at the person to the left of him, Arra.

'Arra, start our first turn.'

'. . . . . . . Check.'

Arra said, eyeing her cards nervously.

'Open.'

Gavner said, unable to hide his glee as he announced the pot betting.

'I bet – one item.'

He said, taking his socks off and putting them on the table. Larten grimaced at the stench, then continued the bet:

'Call. I see your one item.'

Larten took off his shoes, putting them on top of Gavner's socks. Kurda, the most poker-faced one there, said casually:

'Raise. I see your one item, and raise you another item.'

Kurda took off his shoes and his socks, placing them on the table. Vanez, who was kind of just sitting, bobbing and grinning manically yelled out:

'Raise! I see your two items, and raise you another item.'

He took off his earring, his shoes and his socks, adding them to the rather unpleasant-smelling pile.

'Second Deal. Arra, would you like to discard?'

'Two, thanks.'

She said, passing Vanez two cards face-down which Vanez put aside, and gave her two new cards from the deck. Gavner took one, Larten took two, Kurda took none, and Vanez took three. And so started the second turn. Arra sighed, and faced the cards down onto the table.

'I fold.'

(fold is when you give up on the game, afraid you'll lose a lot by betting because you have a very bad hand.)

'Open!'

Gavner yelled, grinning:

'I bet – two items.'

He took off his shirt and his watch, and placed it on the pile.

'Call,' Larten announced, 'I see your two items.'

He took off his shoes and socks, placing them on the pile.

'Call,' Kurda said coolly, 'I see your two items.'

He took off his plain silver chain from his neck, and his long-sleeved buttoned shirt, showing his pale, smooth chest (he kept his bright blue cloak on). Vanez whistled suggestively as Kurda took his shirt off, at which point received a frosty glare from him.

'Call.' Vanez said, 'I see your two items.'

He took his non-sleeved brown top off, revealing his well-muscled torso, taking his time to do so and singing while he stripped:

'I'm, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts. . . . . '

Gavner choked and laughed, and Kurda hit Vanez over the head with someone's shoe to shut him up. Vanez grunted, and removed his second item – a rubber band (which kept loose long bits of hair off his face), making him look even wilder than usual.

'End of turn, _and_ game! Show your hands, guys. Gavner?'

'Four-card.'

Gavner laid down his hand proudly in front of him – four tens and a Jack. Vanez whistled, then glanced at Larten, who sighed and put down his hand.

'Flush.'

5, 6, 7, 8 and Q of diamonds. Not bad, but Gavner was winning so far. Kurda put down his hand with a grin –

'Straight Flush.'

4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 of hearts. Kurda had taken the lead. Vanez grinned, and put down his hand.

'Straight Flush, also.'

7, 8, 9, 10, and J of spades. Vanez laughed triumphantly and scooped up the pile of random clothing, and put it on the floor under him.

'Aren't you going to put your shirt back on?'

Arra said, frowning – Vanez chuckled, and shook his head.

'I prefer to keep on stripping. It's no fun if I don't.'

And so the first game ended – and thus started the next game, dealer being Arra, which was won by Arra also with a Full House of three Jacks and two fours, resulting in the loss of Kurda's belt and watch, Larten's shirt and belt, Gavner's belt (he folded before he had to take off his pants), and two pairs of shoes from Vanez's booty pile.

The third game was dealt by Gavner and won by Kurda – A Four Card of aces and a three, a game which Larten folded, Gavner folded, before becoming a fierce betting battle between the remaining three. Vanez lost quite a few pairs of socks, and Arra lost so much that she actually had to go to the point of taking her shirt off (of course, she did have a bra on), which made Larten cough, splutter and almost nosebleed, Gavner help him out, Vanez whistle excitedly, and Kurda roll his eyes. By this time, a lot of people had entered the Hall to make witness to this interesting game of poker, all cheering on (especially Arra) or booing (mostly Kurda).

The dealer for the fourth game was Larten, who was still a little dizzy and feverish from Arra's nicely shaped curves sitting right in front of him – which was won by Vanez again, due to Larten not paying much attention as he was stripped bare to his boxers, Gavner folding just before he had to reveal his embarrassing boxers, Arra taking off every piece of jewellery_ and _her pants, leaving her in just her underwear and her stockings, and Kurda who betted away all his dough from his previous win. Vanez won with a simple Flush, since the other three only had Straights or Two Pairs.

The last game left Kurda to be the dealer. Larten dropped the game, refusing to take off his boxers. Gavner was forced to play, but folded on his first go after having to take off his pants and everyone laughed at his "stylish" boxers. Arra kept on betting, the crude self she is, and as everyone in the Hall cheered, took off her stockings.

'Open. One item.'

She called, throwing the stockings onto the table together with Gavner's pants.

'Call. I see your one item.'

Kurda threw his trousers onto the pile, still keeping his bright blue cloak and his matching boxers.

'Raise. I see your one item, and raise you two items.'

Vanez threw some socks and watches from his pile, grinning confidently.

The first turn ended, and everyone discarded and drew according to Kurda, the dealer. Vanez drew none, Arra drew two, and Kurda drew one.

'Open,' Vanez grinned, 'One item.'

He threw someone's cloak on the table. Arra, in her underwear and underwear ONLY, couldn't bear to match the bet.

'I fold.'

She said through gritted teeth, dropping her cards.

'Call. I see your one item.'

Kurda said, bitterly removing his favourite cloak and putting it on the table.

'If I raise now, you die, Kurda.'

Vanez laughed – Kurda bit his lip and glared at him. Vanez chuckled again, fanning himself with his cards.

'But let's make this interesting. I'll call now and end the game. Whichever of us who has the better poker hand will get the whole pile of everything. Whichever of us loses, has to strip on the table in front of the whole Hall, singing "I'm too sexy". Take it or leave it, Kurda.'

Vanez challenged, eyeing Kurda shrewdly. Kurda clicked his tongue, offer too good to drop but too risky to take. Vanez seemed very confident. What if he had something like a Royal Straight Flush of spades? That would mean definite death. To strip in front of the whole Hall – a future Prince – stripping and singing – Kurda gritted his teeth. He didn't mind being called a coward by others, but if he dropped the offer now, he knew he'd be angry with himself forever.

'I take it.'

He said quietly. Vanez grinned manically, as he showed his hand on the table. A Royal Straight Flush. 10, J, Q, K, and Ace of diamonds. He leaned back on his seat and rocked on it triumphantly, expecting Kurda to burst into tears or scream with mortification. But he didn't. Instead, a grin spread over his face slowly, as he, the dealer, lowered his hand onto the table.

10, J, Q, K and Ace.

Of hearts.

A Royal Straight Flush of hearts. Hearts beat diamonds. Kurda beats Vanez. Vanez's manic grin froze completely on his face, as he just gaped at Kurda's cards with utter shock. Kurda grinned at him, wishing abstractly for a camera to take a picture of his expression – it was definitely one of the most interesting faces he'd ever seen.

'Well, Vanez? You're not going to be like _Kurda_ and be a chicken, are you? You're going to keep to your word, aren't you?'

Kurda chuckled and said mockingly, his victory finally dawning on him. Vanez was still gaping absent-mindedly – it was going to take him a while to accept his defeat. Everyone in the Hall cheered and jeered at Vanez to get up and do his strip-tease – Vanez prayed, in his mind, that God would zap him that very moment so he could turn to ashes right there, and go to Hell or Paradise or wherever he was set to go to. Just not here. Anywhere but here.

"STRIP! STRIP! STRIP! STRIP!'

Soon the whole hall started chanting, and Vanez was forced to his feet.

And so the night ended – to the sound of cheers and jeers and screaming, Vanez sang his song, stripping off his clothing one by one until - . . . . there was nothing left on him.

_I'm too sexy for my love_

_too sexy for my love_

_Love's going to leave me_

_I'm too sexy for my shirt _

_Too sexy for my shirt_

_So sexy it hurts_

_And I'm too sexy for your party_

_Too sexy for your party_

_No way I'm disco dancing_

_And I'm too sexy for my hat_

_Too sexy for my hat _

_What do you think about that_

_I'm a model you know what I mean_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah_

_I shake my little touche on the catwalk_

_I'm too sexy for my cat_

_Too sexy for my cat_

_Poor pussy poor pussy cat_

_I'm too sexy for my love_

_Too sexy for my love_

_Love's going to leave me_

_And I'm too sexy for this song_

* * *

A.N. - Aaaand yet again I fail to be any kind of good writer. That was terrible. Tell me the truth. Come on, say it. It was crap. Yup. It was crap. I know that already, so please don't review and tell me it was crap. It's nothing new to me, believe me. 

I'm so sorry to people who liked The Dangerous Game of Six, because I probably completely shattered your views on that fic with this nothing-but-crap fic. Oh god. Someone stop me. It's stress, I tell you, school stress is making my work complete crap.

(pleading puppy dog Kurda eyes) Review...nicely...please?


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